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As God has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love.?If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept God?s commandments and abide in God?s love.?I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.? ?This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.? No one has greater love than this, to lay down one?s life for one?s friends.??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? John 15:9-13I?ve heard a lot of sermons in my day, but I can?t really recall one about friendship.? I think Stephanie Paulsell is right.? Friendship is an often neglected topic in Christianity.? And I don?t believe I?ve ever heard a sermon about sexual intimacy.? This sermon?s going to devote some attention to both topics:? friendships and intimate relationships.? I can imagine some might say, a sermon?s not the place to talk about sexual relationships!? And respectfully, I must disagree.? Do we really want to reflect on sexual relationships only in the context of R-rated movies or forbidden websites?? Today?s video featured Stephanie Paulsell, a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) ordained minister who teaches at Harvard Divinity School.? Her bio says that she has been married to her husband Kevin, ?with whom she has enjoyed friendship and intimacy for more than twenty years.?? As we just heard in the video, Paulsell begins by talking about the spiritual practice of friendship.? Have you ever thought of friendship as a spiritual practice?? And yet, in her book, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin states that everyone who studies happiness, from contemporary scientists to ancient philosophers agrees that having strong social bonds is probably the most meaningful contributor to happiness.? ?Of all the things that wisdom provides for living one?s entire life in happiness, the greatest by far is the possession of friendship.?? (Epicurious, 341-270 BCE)? You need close long-term relationships, you need to be able to confide in others, you need to belong.? Studies show that if you have five or more friends with whom to discuss an important matter, you?re far more likely to describe yourself as ?very happy??Not only does having strong relationships make it far more likely that you take joy in life, but studies show that it also lengthens life (incredibly, even more than stopping smoking), boosts immunity, and cuts the risk of depression.?? (Rubin, p. 142)Friendship is an important spiritual practice.? In John, Jesus describes deep love as ?laying down your life for your friend.?? Many of us come to our relationship with God through our friendships.? Of course, friendships aren?t instantly achieved.? They are nurtured over time with people that we love and yet Christian life requires us to be open to newness, to new people coming in.? As Christians, our circle around the table at communion always has to be ready to get bigger.? We?d probably all agree on this, but yet there?s a balance in relationships between the need to attend closely to your friends and the need to be open and attentive to others.? We recently talked about this in a church meeting.? Most people describe our congregation as very friendly.? Many newcomers say this church feels like family.? And while being a family is good, families can also make new people feel like outsiders.? If I am new and I don?t know people?s names or connections or all the inside jokes that the ?family? shares, then I am not likely to feel welcomed.? Can you think of times in your life when you?ve felt torn between deepening friendships and reaching out and making new friends?? I was just at a clergy retreat this past week and what I really wanted to do was hang out with a dear friend from across the state who was there.? We?re very close and we rarely get to spend time together.? I didn?t want to make new friends, I wanted to keep the old.? I realized I was really limiting myself by not being open to new friendships that might develop in that setting with my peers.? Can you relate to this?? It?s true ? we are drawn to some people more than others, for a variety of reasons but that does not require us to be closed to the rest of the community.? The spiritual practice of friendship requires balancing deep friendships with having an open heart toward others.? Who knows who might become cherished friends?? Marge Piercy has a great line about this in her poem, ?The Low Road.?? ?It starts when you say We and know who you mean, and each day you mean one more.?? I like how Paulsell makes a natural progression between friendships and intimate relationships.? I think we tend to separate these two types of relationships and think different rules apply, when in fact friendships and sexually intimate relationships are on a continuum.? They have a lot in common.? They take time, trust, hope and patience.? The difference, of course, is the degree to which our bodies are also intimate.? Just as I never thought of friendship as a spiritual practice, I never really considered our sexual relationships as a spiritual practice, but I see the wisdom of doing so.? Just as there are ground rules for life-giving friendships, the same is true for the spiritual practice of sexual relationships.? Sexuality is a gift from God for expressing love, for bringing forth life, for mutual companionship and pleasure.? It needs to be celebrated with joy and integrity.? We affirm today the goodness of creation, our bodies, and of our sexual expression and we are called to stewardship of these gifts.Healthy sexual relationships are, of course, consensual; both partners want to engage physically.? Neither person is pressuring the other and both receive pleasure.? Respect is key; which means that you?re honest with each other and you both respect any commitments you?ve made to others.? Sexual intercourse is only one way to express sexual feelings and it?s healthier for adolescents to postpone.? A spiritual practice of intimate relationships means that you?re safe ? there?s no or low risk of unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases or emotional harm to either person.? And sexually intimate relationships are based on caring.? When two people decide to become sexually active, the friendship remains which means that you continue taking time to know each other, to support each other, to help each other become the people you want to be.? Have you known people who have a romantic relationship who also seem to be dear friends to one another?? Not every couple falls into this category.? If you share sexual intimacy with another, do you consider your partner your dear friend?? Relationships, be they friendships or life-long/committed or anything in between have something in common:? they are based on care and respect.? May we all intentionally engage in our relationships as a spiritual practice.? ??May we be eager to share, quick to listen, and willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the other.? May God give to us understanding hearts and discerning spirits in all our relationships.? Amen.Source: http://cccopen2all.blogspot.com/2012/03/practicing-our-faith-friendships-and.html
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